Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
