I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
