Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My ass is underappreciated
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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