she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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