So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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