Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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