Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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