So drunk its hurt
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The beer is more important than you right now.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
