I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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