is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
