I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
