you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
