'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
