i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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