My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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