Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
