Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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