Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
