not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
