Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
