I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
