that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
