i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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