I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
