can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
