Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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