I'm eating all of the evidence.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
