My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
