It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
