break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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