is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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