I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
