I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
