I will die if light touches me.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You ever have a fart follow you around?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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