Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize