Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
