doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
