Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
