I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
