one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
