had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
