Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
