Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
