Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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