I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
