Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize