So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
