She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
