Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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