so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
