and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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