Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
