NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
