you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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