I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
