the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
They have beer where we have blood.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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