i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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