Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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