You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
