can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize