You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
