Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
