I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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