Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
