The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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