apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
