Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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