i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
