i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
