You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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