i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
