We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
