I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
