just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
