Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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