I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
