i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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