I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
